Show Don't Tell

Don’t Tell Me!

Don’t tell me someone’s alarm clock rang

And woke them from a nice dream

Don’t tell me how they yawned and stretched

That will make me want to scream

Don’t tell me they threw back the covers

And lowered their feet to the floor

Don’t tell me they walked across the room

And quietly opened the door

Don’t tell me they walked down the hall

To the bathroom and switched on the light

Don’t tell me how they scrubbed their face

The left hand then the right

Don’t tell me they went back to their room

To try to find something to wear

Don’t tell me how they put each thing on

Or I’ll be pulling out my hair

Don’t tell me how they filled the kettle

Then turned the burner on

Don’t tell me how they sat at the table

I mean really now, come on

Don’t tell me what I already know

Or don’t need to know at all

Just get me from point A to Z

Without telling it all

I’m not a stupid person you see

I start my day the same way

If you tell me things I already know

I’ll just throw your book away

To get a reader’s attention you see

You need to begin with some action

Use an active voice and show don’t tell

To provide them with satisfaction

Don’t Tell Them

One thing every writer needs to learn is not to tell their readers things already know. You must assume that if you know something there is a good chance your readers know it too.

For instance: If you’re character is riding a bicycle, there is no need to give a complete description of every part of the bicycle. Everyone knows what bicycles look like and how they work.

Example: Jenny rode her bike to school today. It is a pink bicycle with silver handlebars, white fenders, a white basket hangs on the handlebars, and it has white handgrips.

Now, unless something is going to happen to Jenny’s bike, your reader doesn’t need to know what it looks like. They only need to know that your character’s name is Jenny and that she rode her bike to school.

However, if Jenny doesn’t return from school on time, her parents would describe the bike to the police when they call to report her missing. It is up to the author to determine what information is absolutely necessary to the story and when it should be included.

There are times when it is preferable to tell more.

For instance: Julia got out of bed and tiptoed to the door. She opened the door slowly, and quietly and tiptoed down the dark hallway to the kitchen. She put on the teakettle and sat at the table waiting for her morning coffee. (Instead of all this, you could just say-Julia woke and went to the kitchen for her morning coffee.) This is fine if you just want to show that Julia is starting her day the same way she always does.

When writing a mystery, you would be better off to leave the additional information. Showing her tiptoeing to the door, and showing her opening it slowly, and quietly tiptoeing down the dark hallway to the kitchen is great, if you want to lead up to her finding an intruder in her house.

Learning To Show, Not Just Tell

Every new writer is repeatedly told to Show, Don’t Tell. When you tell the story to your readers, it’s dull and boring. Readers want lively stories filled with interesting things. There are times when telling is necessary, but try to avoid it whenever you can.

Using passive, or lifeless wording in your narrative makes the story about as interesting as a shopping list.

For example:

(a) The car drove up the hill and around several bends. (Dull and boring.) This is okay if you just want your reader to know that your character had to drive up a hill and around some bends to get to their destination.

(b) The Jaguar’s engine whined and groaned as the car sped up the steep mountain road, tires screeching around the hairpin curves. This is better if you want the reader to know that the type of car, the fact that it’s a steep road going up a mountain, and that hairpin curves all play an important part in the story.

Example 2:

(a) Lena walked across the field until she reached a big rock where she sat down to look at some flowers. (Egads!) Well, I guess this is okay if you just want to get her from point A to point B, but readers might wonder what kind of field it was, or what kind of flowers they were.

(b) Lena strolled across the field of waist-high wheat to the oversize boulder she loved to sit on, and admired the carpet of Brown-eyed Susans spread out around her, their pale yellow petals dotted in the center with a large, puffy, chocolate brown button. She giggled as she thought about how she would look to someone flying overhead. With her dark brown mop cut in the shape of a mushroom cap and surrounded by the field of bright yellow wheat, she would appear to be a chocolate brown center in a very large Brown-eyed Susan.

Example 3:

(a) The old house made Lynne nervous. It was large and in very bad shape. Dirty old curtains hung on the windows. The paint was peeling. The porch was falling apart. (two stalks of celery, a pound of tomatoes, a bag of carrots, and a jar of mayonnaise) [Ooops sorry, slipped right into writing my grocery list.]

(b) Lynne trembled and bit her lower lip, as she stood on the sidewalk and gazed in dread at the decrepit monstrosity, a decaying shadow of her once magnificent ancestral home. A sudden strong gust of wind blew hundreds of loose paint flakes from the walls. They fluttered through the air like feathers plucked from an invisible chicken. Lynne tiptoed cautiously across the wooden porch, as she tried not to fall through the rotten boards where rain had leaked through the porch roof for as many years as she could remember. She glanced at the front windows and grimaced, as she realized the curtains were the same ratty, rotten, old rags that had hung there since her grandparent’s wedding day, 60 years ago.

As you can see, all of the (a) examples are short, but they are also dull and lifeless. They tell your reader what you want them to know, but in a very boring way. The (b) examples are longer, but they are also more lively, descriptive, and interesting.

These same methods can be used to liven up your dialogue. You don’t need a lot of fancy schmancy dialogue tags. He/she said, or he/she asked should be enough in most cases. Whenever possible, try to avoid using dialogue tags altogether. There may be times when you need to use a different tag, such as-whined, muttered, screamed, and so on, but try to keep the tags as simple as possible. Also, try to make your dialogue powerful enough that you won’t need a tag. Remember to have your characters speak the way real people speak. We use contractions everyday so don’t shy away from using them. Make your dialogue as natural as you can.

Whenever possible, avoid using a tag by including an action instead.

Example 1:

(a) “I told you not to do that,” Clara said angrily.

(b) “I told you not to do that.” Clara was angry.

Example 2:

(a) “Hi Jeff. I haven’t seen you around for awhile,” Jean said flirtatiously.

(b) “Hi Jeff. I haven’t seen you around for awhile.” Jean had a crush on Jeff.

(c) “Hi Jeff.” Jean linked her arm through his, as she stared up into his eyes. “I haven’t seen you around for awhile.” She smiled, as she leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed.

Again, as you can see, the (a) and (b) examples tell your reader what the person is saying, and the tag tells them how it is being said, but the (c) example is more descriptive, lively, and interesting.

More Examples of Show Don’t Tell

Narrative Telling: The long street was narrow and lined with trees on both sides. Baskets of flowers hung from each of the lampposts. People were enjoying the day in the small park at the end of the street.

The example above gives a basic description of everything, but leaves much unsaid. How narrow was the street? What kind of trees lined the street? What kinds of flowers were in the baskets? What kind of lampposts were they? What were the people doing while they were in the park?

The example below answers those questions and allows your reader to see more clearly what’s happening in your story.

Narrative Showing: Jennifer admired the large Maple trees that provided a shady canopy to drivers as they made their way down the long narrow street, barely wide enough for two cars to pass each other. She smiled when she saw the hanging baskets filled with peonies, zinnias, and various types of ivy hanging from the antique, lantern style lampposts.

Warm sunshine and cool breezes had convinced many people the park was a good place to spend the day. Jennifer pulled over to the curb and watched children scamper about as they tried out the various pieces of playground equipment and frolicked in the wading pool to cool down. Adults strolled through the park, picnicked in the shade, and played touch football with their friends. She knew this would be a great place to live.

Dialogue Telling: “She lied again! She said she’d call and she didn’t,” Steve yelled.

Hank knew Steve was angry.

Okay. Here we have Hank telling us that Steve is angry. Well, thanks Hank, but we already knew that, because the author just told us that Steve yelled. But, how angry was he? Sometimes people yell when they want to rip someone’s head off, but other people yell when they’re just a little miffed with someone else. It just depends on their personality.

The following example shows us that Steve was more than a little miffed.

Dialogue Showing: “She lied again. She said she’d call and she didn’t.” Steve heaved the phone, like a hand grenade about to explode.

Hank ducked as the phone whizzed past his head, smashed against the wall, and left a gaping hole in the plaster.

Use your character’s dialogue and body language to show how they feel. Avoid saying things like: Julia felt sad, or Michael was angry.

Instead, try something like this:

“I never thought you would treat me this way, Michael.” Tears rolled down Julia’s cheeks.

“I never made you any promises, and I won’t start now!” Michael stomped out of the room.